Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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