wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize