the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize