i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
