Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
