Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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