I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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