i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
