Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
