I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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