the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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