she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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