New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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