I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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