I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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