I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
