Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
