I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
