I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
