I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
