last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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