just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
