i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
