There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
