dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
