I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
