Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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