You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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