Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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