Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
