Old men and throwing up are my life now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
