Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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