I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
