Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
