I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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