Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize