Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had sex on a roof
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
