just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
