What did we do last night that was yellow?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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