We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
