you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
