You're my little dorito
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The air was thick with penises
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
