Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I could fuck to npr.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
