i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
