Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
