Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
