I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
do nipples grow back?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
