ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
