Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
