He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
