My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
