I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
