I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
