I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
