Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Success! We fucked roommates!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
