cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
