You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
