she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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