He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
