can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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