3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
