and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
