I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
