their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
