wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
