u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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