The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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