Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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