just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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