Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do vagina's smell?
Come see our sink grown plant.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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