Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
