I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
