just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
